Sunday, July 19, 2015

An Investigation into Relaxants, Opiates, Alcohol, and Ultimately Cannabis - Part I

Arguably it has been quite a while since my last entry here and, for reasons that may become more clear once the haze and fog lifts, I've been involved in a caper so vast and so intertwined that it required nearly all of my faculties - and nearly compromised those faculties on many an occassion!

Now, it is widely documented that a vastly acute intellect (such as my own some would say) sometimes requires (no - demands!) an opportunity to disassociate itself from the intensely boring minutia of its everyday existence and simply cleanse out the flotsam and jetsam enjoined in its own gray matter - regardless of whatever advanced preventative measures have been taken towards its avoidance.

I would further postulate then that this mental respite would be a certified requirement for any 'advanced' mind to operate at its highest levels, a venture that this investigator is keenly allineated with for, as the good Dr. Watson has keenly reported in his copious journal entries, my predilection towards a variety of mental 'calming agents' is well and even over-documented, if my opinion is regarded at all. 

[Also, see cerebral compatriots Richard Feynman, Carl Sagan, Francis Crick, as well as the punctuated equilibrium of Stephen Jay Gould, among others for similarly comparative traits.]

Arguably then, with laws suddenly allowing for the recreational use of what was commonly referred to as "Cannabis" now lawfully passed in the territories of both Colorado and Washington, with near half a dozen more in planning, a thoroughly discriminating and (ahem!) 'personal' investigation seemed to be in order!

Yet, upon this investigator's inaugural inspection, it immediately surfaced that the beguiling positioning of today's laws on cannabis nationally coupled with the rise and fall of alcohol prohibition in this country's early 20th Century proved at once to be an intriguing legal meander thru the past 100 or so years all its own, with much of this jurisprudence originating from domains no one could imagine in the present day!

Withal, it was just such a level of investigation then that truly peeled back the machinated layers from this obfuscated onion and released the very pungency of its utter malfeasance. And, once this ground level review had been secured, we were then entirely comfortable with a second further in depth analysis of the very retail dispensaries offering legally procured strains of cannabis and its brethren, the purview of which will follow along soon enough in Part II of this treatise.

Thusly, herein will be the first of my three investigations where ultimately the conjoining of the three may allow a fuller vision of the issues to waft lazily into one's consciousness and allow the reader a greater understanding of the issues before us and perhaps outline a clearer path forward.

Straight away, it is not presently celebrated nowadays that opiates and other such 'relaxants' as morphine and heroin were termed fully medicinal in London (as I am only too well aware) as well as in these United States near the late 19th century - fully legal by the barristers record and as easy to acquire as aspirin is today at a Boots and Coots Apothecary (or as you Americans call it - Walgreen's).

Likewise 'Cannabis' (as it was known until 1937 - more on that in a bit), and it's various strains had been broadly used in a medicinal manner to treat all form of ailments such as cramps, stomach maladies, and other such general misery by peoples throughout history including the ancient Greeks, Romans, Egyptians, and the ancient Chinese - with it's first recorded use in Asia as far back as 7000 BC.

If you will allow, briefly, a quick traipse thru this byzantine history of how strains of Cannabis first made their way to North America will then set us forward to review its present status before us more robustly.

Prevailing wisdom augers towards the plant's first arrival in Europe from the first lengthy latitudinal expeditions to the Far East (arguably stashed away in a caravan dashboard alongside Marco Polo's returning pasta horde). With the follow on expansive Spanish Conquest of the New World in the 1500's, the subsequent transport of cannabis by settlers into Mexico and Central and South America was thereby made certain. 

Further, once ensconced in Mexico its otiose travel was an easy (albeit uncomfortable) mule trek north with its subsequent societal usage in the newly formed United States enjoying organic growth for over 200 years until the subtle winds began to change with the passage of what is known as the Harrison Act of 1914 - the very first attempts by the hidebound electorate to criminalize narcotics and opiates in any way (including the ubiquitous 'coca' leaf, which had already been emulated on the iconic bottles of a new beverage from the South called Coca-Cola, giving it an iconic reverence only hinted at today).

These 'Opiate' tightening developments discernibly then required of us a slightly further peeling of the onion layers to get at a 'parallel dynamic' at work in many portions of the U.S.

Growing immigration from Europe - Britain, Ireland, Italy, Germany, and others - countries which all enjoyed a long history with the joys of 'brewing' and of 'spirits', brought with them that love with many enterprising Germans conjuring up and delivering millions upon millions of gallons of beer, ale, and other distilled spirits to satisfy the thirst of this increasing Immigrant population (emphasis fully intended mind you).

The suddenly expanding retail saloons, now selling beer by the glass (Oh, the horror!) begot fierce competition amongst themselves and forced many to further proffer the public with other legerdemain 'enticements' to win business amongst the populace - enticements that included gambling and even direct introductions to the world's oldest profession - prostitution. (Truth be told, the more astute know that 'sales' is the worlds oldest profession with, prostitution properly positioned as just a subset of the primary.)

It was this burgeoning alcohol culture then that had brewed up the earliest hints of the Prohibition Movement, with it's beginnings found in America's Protestant Churches and a further sympathetic ear lent via groups such as the 'Anti-Saloon League' and the 'Women's Christian Temperance Union' whose steadfast beliefs (it was then hoped) would lead to a more 'pure and sober nation'. (And as in the world political tome "Lysistrata", it was the women again who took the matters of unruly male heads of households into their own hands for the perceived betterment of society.)

Interstitially, there also existed a strong preponderance of prejudicial tendencies towards immigrants in many throughout the land, including a large count already voting members of the U.S. Congress. With the further not so subtle assistance of openly avowed racists such as newspaperman William Randolph Hearst, devout proponents of the Harrison Act slyly played upon the fears of the general populace with widely distributed stories of 'drug-crazed, sex-mad negroes', of Chinese immigrants enticing and seducing women with the use of their opiates, and other incendiary direct ethnic references to instill fear in the U.S. citizenry - even moving so far as changing the name of the formerly considered medicinal plant itself from 'Cannabis' to a more 'Mexican' sounding term -  Marihuana.

Racism was so thoroughly engrained in this mien that it's been fully documented of puffed testimony with one medical 'professional', Dr. Christopher Koch of the State Pharmacy Board of Pennsylvania, brazenly testifying at a Congressional hearing that "most of the attacks upon the white women of the south are the direct result of a cocaine-crazed Negro brain." (A scientific Point-Counterpoint that continues to this day on many issues of the day, regardless of the veracity of the inherent facts or science of the findings. An inexcusable violation of the laws of the righteous and the just.)

With the anti-alcohol Temperance Movement and the Anti-Opiates forces working in conjunction, the Harrison Act of 1914 and then Prohibition itself enacted via the passage of the 18th Amendment to the United States Constitution in 1919 (thus banning the sale, manufacture, and even the very transportation of alcohol), the usage of 'Marijuana' quickly rose in these parts as the preferred stimulant of choice (and something I was only tangentially aware of at the time, being more medicinally predisposed).

Many will point to Prohibition as the very syzygy for the rapidity of Organized Crime growth as well for it was this nefarious enterprise, with it's comfortable meanderings in the shadows, and with the derring do of a funambulist, that IT was perhaps best suited towards the successful (yet illegal) operation of bootlegging, distribution, speakeasy management, and the necessary ancillary related corrupt practices required for the success of these operations. This incidentally also included the 'hiring' of the constabulary to allow these distribution channels and operations to remain open and trouble free and, with the addition of the sotto-voce backing of the politicians in attendance to continue Prohibition as the law of the land... the success of the entire highly profitable criminal enterprise was thereby assured.

Correspondently, along with the passage of Prohibition was the commensurate increase in general law enforcement to ensure the acts compliance - Police, U.S. Marshals, and Customs Agents to keep citizens protected from the evils of the 'demon alcohol'.

In one regard, Prohibition 'worked' as it had been intended for U.S. alcohol consumption in the 10+ years after it's passage dropped to 30% of previous levels. However, compliance in the early 1930's began to wane considerably and plans were ultimately drawn up and laid to pass the 21st Amendment repealing the prohibition of alcohol in December of nineteen hundred and thirty three. (Intriguingly, Confederate state South Carolina was the only state to vote AGAINST the 21st Amendment and the repeal of prohibition).

A dynamic not easily wasn't seen at the time however was the expansive role that law enforcement had become In Toto and the need to find another 'Ill' to police or the many facets of this expanded force would soon be out looking for work.

With extensive help of the aforementioned Mr. Hearst with his virulent hatred of blacks and Hispanics, newspapers across the country began running falsified and exaggerated stories demonizing the effect of marijuana and its effects on the children of, predominantly, white parents. 

Still more intriguingly, the DuPont Corporation had a desire as well to outlaw the continued use of Hemp, a strain of Cannabis, with it's strong tensile strength which had long been used over the centuries for its strong, sinewy qualities and which had a history of usage in the development of ropes, twines, and other woven products. Indeed, the term 'canvas' has its very linguistic derivations in the Latin word 'cannapaceus' meaning 'made of hemp'. 

Sails in whilom vessels used 'canvas sheets made of hemp' for they withstood extended exposure to saltwater and were much better than those of cotton composition; such was their use by American settlers as well with covered wagons all across the plains.

This plant, this hemp,  posed a major threat to Dupont's newly patented and designed products using plastics and petroleum based formulas and they too worked to ban and prohibit its use. Such is the continued practice by Business in the interests of 'free enterprise"....Indeed!

With the appointment of the former director of the Department of Prohibition to the head of the newly formed Federal Bureau of Narcotics, this triumvirate alliance served as the force necessary to move the country towards what would become the Marijuana Tax Act of 1937, effectively outlawing the sale and possession of marijuana without a 'Marijuana Tax Stamp'. No stamps were ever issued of course and this ingenious manner to make marijuana illegal became the law of the land and shifted both organized crime and the enforcement of the laws towards this new ill towards the American citizenry.

Elementary! For this then also served to target itinerate minorities as both blacks and Mexicans were heavy users of Cannabis (er, marijuana) and this served as the additional gambit that newspaperman Hearst had ultimately sought.

Which, in circumlocuitous fashion, brings us to the present day and the recent relaxation of attitudes towards the medicinal use of cannabis, with first the passage of laws in California towards its usage with a prescription from a medical professional, and then the eventual personal and recreational use of marijuana with legislation passed in both Washington and Colorado domains.

Of course, it was under the guise of "Investigation" towards this legal relaxation of laws in Colorado that brought me to the almost antiseptic marijuana dispensary "Euflora" on the famed 16th Street Mall in the heart of touristy downtown Denver, Colorado, an affair I shall document wholeheartedly in Part II of this worthwhile case!

Saturday, March 7, 2015

The Case of the Purloined Cruffin from Mr. Holmes' Bakehouse!

Recently I was made aware of a case of Bakery Burglary in a curiously effected shoppe in San Francisco that is perplexing investigative experts and patrons alike for this theft pointed only towards the removal of BAKERY RECIPES from the eponymously coined 'Mr. Holmes Bakehouse'!
Mr. Holmes Bakehouse on Urbanspoon
What, mind you, could be of such VALUE and found inside a ring binder that the alleged transgressors thereby bypassed every other single item of value inside said Bakehouse (iPad, expensive equipment, cash register and cash, Holmes-names accessories!) and focus singly on four binders containing the ingredients and cryptic instructions towards the preparation of baked goods alone?

Coffee Cream Cruffin with Marshmallow Square
Were these purloined recipes the written Magna Carta of all bakery morsels - never to be found or baked again?  The pop-n-fresh Crown Jewels of the pastry trade and made so spectacularly that the very manner in which they are amalgamated drew the eye of the darkest in the flour and sugar underworld? Indeed this immediately beckoned my acute investigative sensitivities!

While I admit I have not (yet) been asked to participate in this particular investigation, San Francisco's finest doing their usual excellent work no doubt, my curiosity has still gotten the better of me if for no other reason than the very name of this splendid enterprise - which I've  discovered with a mirthful mouthful, has been named after the feline in residence of the owners own mother - a cat named SHERLOCK HOLMES! (Oh the humanity!)

This bake shoppe, open only three months, has apparently already driven the foodies of this culinary-crazed city mad as a hatter with dozens of divinely derived blessings yet it is a singularly named item that has caused all the stir and has brought the throngs Walking Dead-like to beat upon the doors of this Larkin St. storefront: The Cruffin; a swirling delight of soft and chewy croissant goodness spired tall into an accentuated muffin pouf.

courtesy jim wilson/
However, it is what is then done with this creation that has set the bakery world asunder for the Cruffin itself represents only the launching point of the imaginative baking spirit of owner Ry Stephens, whose incarnations have so far included styles such as the Strawberry Milkshake, the Peanut Butter Fluffernutter, Honeycomb Caramel, Sightglass Coffee Cream..... the list being limited only to whatever this Parisian trained pastryman can conjure.

And so it is with the introduction of this Cruffin that long queue's begin to form ahead of the shoppes opening in anticipation of this frenzied patisserie offering....some only to find that the Cruffin is not made available until 9 am and is also then limited to only 2 per customer until they are vanquished entirely - a point which usually does not last more than an hour on weekends and perhaps only slightly longer on weekends.

The facts of the case so far are known: The door to the Bakehouse was unlocked upon the arrival of the early morning baking crew....near 3:00 am, and with the owner himself responsible for securing the door the previous evening.
courtesy of

Additionally,  a recently installed closed circuit recording system was not yet operational, a fact not yet known to the other employees of the bakery and further creating dichotomies in the case. The presumed reason to install a closed circuit system could point towards the proximity between the Nob Hill region to the north and arguably the 'toughest' neighborhood in San Francisco, the Tenderloin District just to the south (named many eons past for the cuts of meat afforded by the constabulary paid more for this rough and tumble beat). 

Yet none of this points to any such hooligan-type gaining entry solely for the opportunity to remove said recipes from their binders in the kitchen......visions of the 'Tampopo' homeless gaining entry to Tokyo's finest kitchens after-hours to prepare their own evening meals in stealth swirling in their, this was a job of cunning, thought, and conviction.

A disgruntled neighbor perhaps, upset with the constant traipses of the hungry and craven in search of the tantalizing deliciousness wafting nearby? Not bloody likely as the baked goodness vanishes as quickly as it arrives and no hours are kept past 3:30 pm on weekends or 2:30 pm on weekdays. 

The French Laundry
Yountville, CA
An employee (or former employee) with their own thoughts of grandeur towards the imaginary sugary riches that await a similarly coifed offering elsewhere...... a possibility yet also quite doubtful for Mr. Stephens avows his faith in the honesty and integrity of his employees and the dedication of those committed to this profession would abhor such an act. 

Yet this also appears a less fruitful lead in that the mere introduction of a renamed or reshaped 'Cruffin', like a stolen masterpiece by Van Gogh or Matisse, would call immediate attention to the very nature of such a beast and further warrant investigation into the derivation of the, this would not suffice.

And yet the theft of priceless art does continue in this era despite the pointless nature of such a crime (save one of an insurance related nature). Private galleries and collections sometimes burst with pilfered rarities, the satisfaction received simply in the ownership and not in the publicity of such ownership with many of these instances involving the transportation of these artifacts over great distances far from the original location. 

Intriguingly, another such high profile heist was recently conducted where near $300K in fine wines were absconded from the famed 'French Laundry' in nearby Yountville, CA yet remarkably found several weeks later in a Greensboro, NC wine cellar with several bottles already missing (and presumably enjoyed most heartily). 

In that case, where a bottle of Cote-Rotie "La Mouline" is proffered  for $5,000 and Napa's own Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon near $29,500, the individual bottles were serialized and scanned with ultraviolet tags for easier traceability, a fact proving instrumental towards their timely recovery. 

Surely such heraldry is not warranted here as the 230+ recipes were further secured on Mr. Stephenson's computer along with the manner in which one would concoct a Cruffin, despite having the ingredient listing, was lacking.

The California Sushi Croissant

All said, the lines at Mr. Holme's Bakehouse have only increased since the theft with customers delivering the supportive structure any small enterprise needs to survive. And as this caper unravels, you can be sure I will be keeping a very close eye on this one!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The Case of the Denver Vice-Triumvirate

While on an investigation into the recent acts of 'cabotage' at the Port of Long Beach in Southern California, a brief personal respite was taken by Watson and I into the Queen City of the West where we were fortunate enough to find ourselves amidst a swirling triangular vortex of vices; vices the likes of which I am most susceptible.... Gastronomic, Alcoholic, and Intoxicant, for my mind rebels at stagnation.

This serendipitous triple play had us first visiting the Jagged Mountain Brewery, a wonderfully industrial yet perfectly comfortable Pour House in the very center of Denver proper with a large collection of 20 (or thereabouts) proprietary craft creations. From the fruity, farmhouse style Summer Ale 'Isabella Bird', to the more robust 'Whiskey Barrel Aged Voodoo Goat' -  and with a blinder of Pale Ale betwixt and between.

Most certainly Jagged Mountain Brewery is a serious operation with a total dedication to the mead itself, all else being inferential as evidenced by their lack of any true food or other public offerings outside some locally packaged nuts for purchase. However, this enterprise also operates 'outside the triangle' by conjoining with local gourmands for a food pairing that draws in both the devoted beermeisters as well as those more gastronomically inclined. (To wit, an upcoming joining includes melding the eclectic chopped beefsteak burgers of local Colorado food denizen Troy Guard's TAG Burger Bar , a highly regarded enterprise in its own right.)

Yet on this desolate Sunday (having arrived unannounced upon its 11:00 am opening), and as delightfully wicked as it was to inhale the aromas of the finest Pale Ales and Porters our lovely attendant Ms. Rachael had to offer, our lengthy trip from the home of Gasparilla demanded that we answer the ever insistent beckoning of hunger. 

However, upon closer perusal the immediate area was digustibly bereft of anything visible save brick, glass, and asphalt until, beckoning us from it's stand-alone singular location, we spied La Popular Food Company hidden in plain sight down the opposite side of Lawrence.

La Popular, with its freestanding red brick building, gives one the impression that behind its doors lies a robust enterprise of Mexican delight, and that would prove to certainly be true in this case but not in the manner in which one might first believe.

Opening the heavily tinted front doors and expecting a large but low-scale sit down restaurant I was caught unawares by the immediate and extreme lack of seating, or any seating at all for that matter. Reminiscent of a small bakery with it's glass counter of baked goods standing proudly on the left and eliciting a dull throb in ones sweet tooth upon sight, this operation screamed both 'local dive' and 'authentic' in the same breath.

Making tamales and burritos 7 days a week for the walk-up crowd, La Popular is also a full scale wholesale operation offering their own stock in trade to passersby as well as providing for those larger enterprises wishing to offer the tried and true without reinventing the stone-ground tortilla wheel. Chips, salsas, and tortillas are for sale in 1 dozen counts to 1000 dozen counts and are also found in local markets such as King Soopers. (My investigative eye will surely one day delve into what kingdom this 'King' actually rules over!) 

Additionally, alongside the hefty sizes of the fresh core tortilla ingredient Masa, one will delight in various empanadas, cookies, and pastries that (as it did with this investigator) pull themselves from behind the glass and find there way into a rapidly filling outbound satchel. The purveyors of this popular bodega seem to just be catching on to the nuances of food enterprise for they've only been in operation for........60 years!

So quickly transacting a fully loaded deluxe burrito, along with two Mexican cookies and both an Apple and a Peach Empanada (all for less than half a crown, or I should say what you Yanks call a ten-spot) I was quickly striding back towards my new found favorite brew house when my eye was suddenly drawn askance for, intriguingly, found between La Popular and Jagged Mountain and forming the new right angle of this Vice Triangle is
"Cannabis Station", a legal marijuana dispensary well positioned in what appears to be a former Esso petrol station - and all this a mere three blocks from nearby cricket-house Coors Field - as well as the many parking lots feeding this downtown Rocky Mountain attraction.

Already fighting off the effects of the relatively mild "Isabella Bird" Pale Ale with its 6.5% ABV content I quickly reasoned the review and perusal of this enclave, one of EIGHT locations under the umbrella "Rocky Mountain High Co.", would not be served with a simply stop in and a mental note was made for a future more extensive............ investigation, for there is nothing like first hand evidence!

Returning to my bar side stool, and availing myself to further tastes of both Ms. Isabella's Ale as well as the more formidable "First Descent", a Whiskey Barrel Ale topping out at 15.5% ABV (Alcohol By Volume, or more appropriately:All Bragging Vocalized!), my La Popular Deluxe Burrito hit the spot and kept the ale's headiness from assuming total command of my faculties.

A further welcome surprise to the Jagged Mountain visit was the proliferation of available local artwork festooning the walls. From ice adventures to the nearly the surreal, it gave the atmosphere it's well deserved neighborly and adventurous ambiance.


Saturday, January 3, 2015

The Christmas Spirits of the Past, Present, and Future Arrived in St. Petersburg, FL!

Unbenownst to Watson and I when deciding to close our investigative enterprise at 221-B Baker St. and relocate to the St. Petersburg, FL area, was that this accord would bring us so closely into the nexus of an unexpectantly vibrant theater scene.

Evoking the quality of production long ago seen in the West End (i.e. The Lyceum, The Old Vic, and even the Old Globe) where the careers of such esteemed actors as Sir John Geilgud, Sir Laurence Olivier, and Dame Judi Dench were codified, such is the sprituous  scene with the venues found in this Bay area including The Straz Performing Arts Center in Tampa or the bellicose ensembles at Ruth Eckerd Hall; venues drawing in the larger troupes and Broadway productions traveling thru on the euphonious circuit if you will. 

Yet the exemplary work of revered outlying British odeums as the Royal Plymouth Theater on Royal Parade in Plymouth, England (and a tip o'the hat to Miss Lady Louise and her troupe) conjure the reflectively astounding performances at The American Stage Theater, with their recent move to much larger quarters adjoining USF St. Petersburg and their continued impressive pursuances.

These venues alone have astonished the good Doctor and I so fervently that we have elected to participate in this thespian endeavor much more frequently, such is the surprise and the wonder that is the live theater on Florida's West Coast.

Yet there lies another jewel in this crown, a smaller production company in the St. Petersburg area that while dwarfed by its nearby brethren in both it's physical size and in its enterprise sponsorship, puts forward penetrating performances as deep and as rich as ever has been staged anywhere.

The Freefall Theater, found with a brief chivvy a mere 4  miles west of the burgeoning Downtown St. Petersburg scene, is a gift unto its own as well as to all those who choose to take advantage of it.

And it was just such a gift bestowed upon our little group when we attended the final year end performance of Charles Dicken's 'A Christmas Carol' - and on Christmas Eve no less! In this ensemble's fourth year of producing this classic, it availed us a festive and cheery way to envelope ourselves to the holidays.

These ardent professionals, under the exquisite direction of Artistic Director Eric Davis, fit 10 litres of glorious production into a 1 liter topper-hat and they did it with confidence and verve aplenty! Inventive sets, demiurgic lighting, and symphonious music....all on par with far larger productions and yet shoehorned magically into a space reminiscent of a gymnasium sized gilly sprinkled with puck and spirit!

With a deft nod to fellow Brit Alastair Sim, (whose depiction of the miserable Ebenezer Scrooge in the 1951 cinematic classic is perhaps the most chilling recorded on film), the Freefall Theater's seasonal curmudgeon was played with consanguinity by a similarly gifted actor - David Mann, who while a resident of the Tampa area has a gifted dynamic much more spacious than this area can contain and with esteemed theatrical escapades in San Diego, Miami, Washington, DC and elsewhere this particular gift will hopefully be opened in much larger circles anon. The flair for which his Scrooge performance was delivered and the dedicated focus required to transport this audience to 1850's London was a celestial trip worth far more than the pursers meager admittance fee.

In my line of work it is my habit to know exactly when a fine performance is placed before me (as evidenced by early calls to greatness of Ms. Nina Ariande in "Venus in Fur" and Ms. Mary Louise Parker's turn in 'Proof', both Tony winning deliveries) the fine Dr. and I previously espied Mr. Mann in his 2013 portrayal as 'The Emcee' in this troupe's delivery of Kander and Ebb's 'Cabaret'. His interpretations of both the Joel Grey character (in the 1967 Broadway depiction and in the 1976 film version with Liza Minelli) and here as Dickens' Ebenezer are far more enthralling depictions than any small local theater company would be expected to produce.....and thus became this season's true gift of the holiday's!

The high level of performance is easily a world class effort and this individual's work lifted the entire production. Yet one must also hand an equally respectful and mirthful acknowledgement to actors Stephan Jones, with four roles including a robust Mr. Marley and Mr. Fezziwig, and Mark Richard Taylor, also with four roles including the booming Ghost of Christmas Present.

The transcendent nature of this performance was such that it will be hard for me to say no to anything that Freefall produces in the future. Moreover, with the continually vibrant dining landscape burgeoning in the center city area, a jubilant time is there for the taking with no effort whatsoever.

Consequently, as with the Dicken's Ghost's, we reminisce the Freefall's past Christmases, were overjoyed with THIS years Christmas present, and wholeheartedly look forward to enjoining ourselves robustly in any and all future productions of Christmases yet to be!

Make it part of your December and a new tradition will be born!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Hop to it! The Sweetwater Brewery awaits!

Welcome to Sweetwater Brewery
It is no secret that while I have disdained all alcoholic libations during my investigative career while domiciled at 221-B Baker St., London, preferring a nice cup of ....well never mind that, I HAVE begun to enjoy a sip or three of certain intoxicants in my retirement here in the States. The cases I have been involved in since arriving in the US have had me involved in all manner of spirits....all in the name of investigation of course! 

From fine and smoky Scotches, distinct Artisinal Whiskeys, and Bluegrass Bourbon's of Kentucky, to more festive traipses towards the clearer spirits of Vodka, Rum, and my own predisposition with the Gins of Devon, England. (Gin itself also piques a particular garboil of mine for any elixir derived from a poisonous berry - juniper in this case, is one that certainly commands respect and stirs the soul!)

There is also an adopted penchant towards the wide variety of Blue Agave Tequila's sometimes located within my brim, but the overwhelming favorite libation in my bailiwick remains to be that intoxicating Mesopotamian Mead.......Beer.

Beer, taken from the Latin 'bibere' or 'to drink', is commonly referred to as the third most popular beverage in the world behind water and tea yet I would certainly challenge that statistic during any World Cup Championship weekend! The earliest recorded versions (10,000 BC) moved from the Sumerian region of what is now Iran and Iraq and on into Europe traveling via English and Celtic tribes before ultimately finding their way to the America's with the founding of this fine republic mid-century. It was thought that beer was first 'discovered' with the fermentation of grains set aside to make bread but common wisdom also acknowledges the inherent desire to sit and do nothing once imbibed which begat the yeasty chicken and egg debate: Was it early 'laziness' in the making of bread that caused the sitting (wet) grains to ferment or once fermented (and tasted) laziness itself was invented as well! Regardless of the genesis of either, they have become intertwined for all of history since!

A Kayak trip down nearby Sweetwater Creek became the genesis for the name
Once this fine craft was brought to North America, rumored to have been on the Christopher Columbus vessel 'Le Pinta' (from where we get 'The Pint'), the continued experimentation of Eastern European recipes and stout English brews proliferated in the US on and well into the mid 20th century. It was thus that centuries later, in the mid-1900's, we found there to be roughly 45 breweries in the U.S. at that time, most regional in nature yet three of them, Anheuser-Busch, Miller Brewing, and Schlitz, representing 60% of all sales stateside.

Four deep at the bar for their Taste Testers
Of course, alongside these three behemoths of brewing sat smaller domestic brewers like Ballantine, Schmidts, Strohs, Genesee, Utica, Blatz, Ranier, Olympia, Coors, Pabst, Heileman's, Rolling Rock, Carling, Yuengling, Tivoli, and hundreds and hundreds of others. It was the natural progression of this liquid pastime that watching sports and drinking beer also achieved it's rightful nexus. One can easily reference the onset of 'the beer jingle' with samples such as the 'Official Beer of the New York Yankee's' (at the time - Shaeffer) ...Schaeffer/ is the/ one beer to have when you're/ having more than one, and their crosstown rivals the New York Mets (not to be outdone) with their pretzel twisting Rheingold ( beer is Rheingold the dry beer...) For added reference, Don Draper was not involved in either of these ditties.

However, with such sports team associations and the ribald accompanying increase in television and advertising exposure, the dynamic of 'The big get bigger and the small get smaller,' eventually saw the demise of many of the regional brewers thereby leaving in its wake mostly mass produced brews and bromides - with European origins for certain but also with their heavy marketing towards lighter lagers and pilsners. This was Darwinian brewmaster capitalism at it's very finest.....

Breathing room is found upstairs vs. downstairs
Thus we found in the late '70's and early '80's (the 1970's and 1980's that is.......) we were left with very little in the way of true variety save for perhaps that from Guinness Brewing of Ireland, a pint of which is in itself an acquired tho lifelong taste. To a beer aficionado however, it became apparent that if you wanted a brew with more specific and distinctive tastes and flavors you had to take matters into your own hands (or paddle up Schlitz Creek as it was oft opined at the time.)

Yet Anchor Brewing Company, brew-meisters in San Francisco with origins dating back to the Gold Rush of 1849, after bouts involving the San Francisco Eartquake in 1906, Prohibition from 1920-1933, and near-bankruptcy in 1965, began a mini-resurgence in the yet uncoined and nascent 'Craft Brewing' Industry. Bottling their Anchor Steam in 1971, Anchor Brewing almost single handedly began a slow but sure resurgence in this fine art and the resulting growth experienced from the ten craft brewers still in business in 1980 (Anchor Brewing, Albion,  Sierra Nevada, River City, Placer, and DeBakker, all in California, Boulder Beer in Colorado, Prinz Brau of Alaska, and Cartwright Brewing of Oregon), soon ballooned to the over 2400 brewers today - including one hugely popular Atlanta, Georgia delight: The Sweetwater Brewing Company.

Now, it is not my intent here to unearth and aerate within this particular investigative diatribe (the above historical perspective notwithstanding) the very beginnings of Sweetwater Brewing it their Boulder, Colorado connections or their subsequent San Francisco sojourns. No, I shall leave that to beer archivists or the brewers themselves and their own website for it is a fine story told exceptionally well. 

No, the analysis herein will simply be a look at what has become a near ritual for lucky Atlantan's every week - as well as for Watson and myself one lucky Friday afternoon - The Sweetwater Brewery Tasting Tours!

The first challenge in this case is GETTING to the Sweetwater Brewery location, a task unto itself as our guide Prince Michael himself (perhaps not as well versed in the backcountry passages of Hot 'Lanta as he had let on), took one turn too early from Monroe to Ottley south of the highway and we found ourselves on Interstate 85 for a mile or so before having the joyous yet thirsty opportunity to reacquaint ourselves with the immediate area and try again.

Upon arrival the parking situation also appeared a bit adventurous as we were situated on what appeared to be a service road or side road one block from the brewery and thus parked along this side road and gallivanted thru what appeared to be the lot for another business (beer drinkers themselves we would surely hope!) [Aside: a 'Service Road', as one might call it, is referred to by many different colloquiallisms and I might invite you to to take this 25 question dialect quiz which will not only introduce you to such regional phrases but will also likely (and confoundedly) pinpoint your own speech patterns to within a few miles of it's derivation. A truly astounding bit of sleuth work indeed and with a trained ear proves quite useful in our own casework!)

Positing ourselves on the fairly long and vibrant patron queue already in place, three to four deep mind you, had us slowly but assuredly advancing the 60-70 meters to find there were actually two queues at the front: CASH and CREDIT. Lucky for us that my vast experience always has me laden with bills of all denominations for just such episodes. Tip of the day - Bring the $10 cash fee and vault forward on the cash queue for the credit card queue was demonstrably 10x longer.

The Downstairs bar is quite a bit more popular
But OH what one receives for this $10! This is not simply the two free cup dispensary of (say) a Busch Gardens (with it's perfectly fine light pilsners and such) NO! The proffered $10 gains one six Willy Wonka-like 'red tickets' which avails you the opportunity to 'test' six of Sweetwater's finest.

With entry gained and the long upstairs bar and resident keep before us, your first choice is poured into nicely coifed Sweetwater pint glasses which you are free to take home as well. Fret not a wit when your pint is not filled fully for these are 'taste testers' and are only near-filled 2/3rds or so of the way to the glass rim. Ones initial disappointment at this test-level fullness and not getting (music queued here) 6 FULL PINTS of beer for $10, and a FREE Sweetwater Pint Glass, PLUS a tour of the premises AND Free Music from a live house band no less is oh-so-quickly dissipated when your first quaffs are taken.

Whiskey Kegs are used for One-Off Seasonal Brews and special runs
On this day we delightfully had 6 brews to choose from, these being: Sweetwater Georgia Brown - Smoother than a Bill Clinton Apology they say; 420 Extra Pale Ale - their most popular brew; Sweetwater Blue - with a slight blueberry lilt; Sweetwater IPA - a classic; Low-RYE-der IPA - a RYE based brew; and Road Trip- one of their 'Catch and Release' Seasonal Brews.

With the plan to 'taste-test' all six brews in their entirety, we began with their best-selling and multiple award winning Sweetwater 420, an Extra Pale Ale with an inherent crispness that lets you know immediately what you are in for with all of their resident choices. 

Upon a first taste the deliciousness was evident and the freshness palpable. However, despite that initial delight I also quickly learned that this Extra Pale Ale had an immediate effect on my faculties and seemingly vacuumed liters and liters of oxygen from my heat-oppressed brain thus rapidly causing a loss of my usually reliable logic inducing skills. 
Part of The Dank Tank Series

Reasoning that this particular bebiere might be the sole culprit I moved to a 'lighter' brew and chose the Sweetwater Blue, which gave me a welcomed yet brief respite while I re-oxygenated my brain cells. By the time I'd moved to the third taster I had deduced that 6 tickets might be too MANY tickets to hand out. Peering at Watson my hunch was confirmed as I was handed a fistful of the Dr's. unused tickets as well.

"Mr. Holmes, I seem to have reached my limit I'm afraid....", my friend exclaimed,  notwithstanding that the Doctors' pint was only half filled - and still from the first pour.

Glancing askew at Prince William and Lord Stanton, fine young emissaries of brew and the promulgators of today's festivities (along with the beauteous accompaniment of Lady Elizabeth and Lady Jessica) I was chagrined to find that no such ailment had befallen these young and vibrant souls, in fact they looked longingly at the unused tickets within my grasp.

Still unconvinced that my years and years of loving this luscious liquid would fail me at such a critical juncture, I returned to my friendly barkeep and tactfully demanded (pleaded) for something I could drink....uhm, responsibly, where I was lead to the 'Catch and Release' Seasonal Brew called 'Road Trip' with it's ale-like recipe. Yet this too I found to contain an altogether un-Holmesian level of hoppiness, a flavor that in many others might rightly bring happiness and frivolity but in me brings only ruin. With a strong reliance on Cascadian hops I found that my voluminous drinking history was easily cut short.

Kismet chanced upon me with the announcement of the last brewery tour downstairs which allowed me to make a graceful exit and occupy my focus with the inner workings of this fine enterprise! However imagine my surprise when our first exposure on this tour was to a seemingly deranged, sex-addled, bound and leather clad figure strapped to the brewers tower.......only to find this to be the inspiration for one of Sweetwater's Dank Tank Series, brews from the darkest parts of the brewMaster's soul (with seemingly no connection to a 'Chamber' of any sort either.)

All in all the entire operation was a fascinating expose of what started from the desire of a couple of University of Colorado roommates to their product now being available in markets all throughout the Southeast U.S. as well as on all flights of fellow Atlanta Plc Delta Airlines.
A Healthy Plethora at a local Publix Supermarket

The Tours themselves, 5:30-7:30 Wed-Fri and 2:30-4:30 Sat-Sun, top out at 1000 people which is a level sometimes attained very quickly, especially on a Friday afternoon like the one we had participated in. 

And as a final aside, the Sweetwater Gift Shoppe certainly has great schwag (their own term mind you) and my chapeau is duly tipped towards the vibrant and colorful designs of all the brewer's garb made available but the wares viewed this day were not fully stocked ..... or had been thoroughly and previously picked clean while I was  still regaining my investigative faculties upstairs. What was also apparent within said Shoppe was that the growing beer belly of America had caused a dirth of XL sizes on shelves everywhere while S and M (not to be confused with the Dank Tank S&M) remained in plentiful quantities. This likely a testament to the quantities of brew enjoyed by long as their wits are kept about them (and their Pale Ale levels held in check!)